


My Diary

by satisfyingbliss



Category: Muse
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 06:22:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2181246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satisfyingbliss/pseuds/satisfyingbliss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dom's diary</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Diary

**Author's Note:**

> **Rating:** R15  
>  **Warning:** Language.  
>  **Feedback:** Yes please, it's really important.  <3  
>  **Disclaimer:** I don't own Muse, Matt or Dom, this is only fiction and I am making no profit.  
>  **Author's note:** I was planing on posting this almost a week ago but things happened :P and I completely forgot about lj and ao3. But here it is now. ^_^

_Suddenly you'll move away from me  
What more is it that I could be, if you move away from me_

 

July 27th

 

I feel my life has lost its purpose. There is nothing to give me any happiness. Not the kind of happiness that comes after a good joke or with something sweet. I'm talking about the kind of happiness you get while you're with your best friends or in the presence of someone you like. It's just not there for me. Not since summer break started.

For most of the day I lay in my bed watching porn. I know how that sounds, but it's not like that. Who am I kidding? Yes, it's exactly like that.

I'm miserable. My best friend is on the other side of the country and my crush is on some goddamn island. He doesn't know I like him though, why would he? I told him I was bi, he just shrugged and told me he was too. It was weird, because the whole school year had a suspicion that we were gay. We used to sit in each others laps, with our foreheads pressed together, sometimes touching each other a bit more than friends should.

I'd never had someone like that in my life. Hell, I'd never had friends before high school.

It took me about a week to realise I liked him. He is a bit shorther than me, with dyed black hair and piercing blue eyes. He plays the piano and recently I helped him to start playing the guitar. I love the way his long fingers look so elegant while he plays. 

**God, those fingers.**

Once in a while, he would invite me to his place to play some games and watch telly. Since his parents are always away because of business, we have the whole house to ourselves.

 

_"Oh, I need to show you the video I made for that project we had," Matt beamed at me, as he took his seat in the big, plush work chair in front of his computer._

_"Yeah, the one you didn't give in?" I teased._

_"Piss off. It's just because I couldn't get it on my hard drive. I even offered to bring the whole computer to school, but the teacher didn't allow it. Cunt."_

_I smiled at that. The teacher truly was a first class cunt. The video was about him, as the project requested. I'd done mine at one in the morning as a compilation of text slides and pictures accompanied by an instrumental of a song called Walk Away by Franz Ferdinand. The teacher had said it was great and that she very much liked my choice of music. I bet she hadn't even known what she'd been listening to._

_His video came to an end, but a seires of questions followed it. I sat on his bed, moving all the way back to sit with my back against the wall. Matt looked at me and smirked._

_"What?" I asked._

_"Nothing."_

_He got up from the chair and moved towards me. I smiled sheepishly. Matt looked at me once more when he was standing in front of my legs, which were hanging off the edge. He put one knee on the bed and before I knew what was happening he was straddling my thighs._

_"Dom?" he smiled and poked my side._

_"What?"_

_"Nothin'."_

_I wrapped my hands around his waist, bringing him closer. I hugged him tightly, burying my head in his chest and inhaling deeply. I loved the way he smelled. He put his hands around my neck and hugged me back. I looked up at him. The position he was sitting in made him taller and for the first time I noticed his Adam's apple. I wanted to kiss it, to kiss his neck, down his chest; every part of his perfectly soft skin. I wanted to kiss away the hundreds of scars on the insides of his forearms and the front of his thighs. I knew about the ones on his thighs although he didn't know I saw them. He told me the ones on his arms were from a friend's cat._

_I felt hypnotised by the blue pools I was starting to stare at. He didn't seem to mind. I grinned, feeling truly happy in that moment. He rocked his hipps once, catching me completely off guard. He did it again and I wanted to moan at the feeling it caused in my belly. He was smirking at me and I couldn't help but give him the same response. I pushed my hips upwards in what should have been a thrust._

_"What the fuck was that?" he started to laugh hysterically._

_"Shut up. I've never done this before," I smirked at his teasing and tried once more._

_This time I used a different set of muscles, thrusting at him as I should have the first time. He smirked at me and rolled his hips. I thrust back. He rolled them again, looking me in the eyes._

_"Okay, this feels weird," I slid my hands from his hips down to his thighs and pushed him off of me._

 

I will never stop regretting that mistake.

During spring break, he invited me to go with him and his parents to a summer house they own on the island where he is right now. I was so fucking excited. I even had a whole plan which ended by me telling him I liked him.

 

_I was waiting in front of my house for his mother to pick me up to take me to their place. When she finally got here I was nervous and probably shaking a bit. She took my bright red suitcase and put it in the car, while I took a seat in the back._

_After about 10 minutes we were parking in front of their house and I could see Matt standing there, smiling brightly. I got out and walked towards him, but he was faster. He jumped into my arms and hugged me tightly. I wrapped my arms around his back and squeezed him._

_"This is going to be awesome," he whispered into my ear._

_"I know," I grinned._

_He moved away then and put an arm around my shoulder, dragging me up the stairs to meet some of his realtives that were coming with us._

_The car ride to the ferry was pretty okay. I was sitting between Matt and his cousin, who was a bit older than us. Matt gave me his earphones so I could listen to music, while he went online to read something._

_I was a bit scared of the ferry ride; the waves were big so the ship kept rocking. I must admit that I did exaggerate the amount of fear I was experiencing a bit, just because Matt pretty much hugged me every time the ship rocked harder._

_When we got there we had to sort our room out, like putting the sheets and blankets on and everything. But by the time we were done I wasn't tired at all._

_"You two okay?" his mother asked as she came through the door._

_"Fine," he answered._

_"Well, have a good night. Sleep tight, Dom," she smiled at me._

_"Good night," I smiled back._

_The moment she left, Matt practicaly jumped on the bed next to me, grunting as his head hit the pillows._

_"We can't sleep like this," he mumbled._

_"I don't like this bed," I looked at him as he got up._

_"Try mine. Either way, we're moving that cupboard that's in the middle, so we can push them together."_

_I nodded and moved, so Matt could remove the cupboard. I then pushed the beds together and helped him move the cupboard to the side._

_"There." He grinned at the arrangement._

_I smiled and sat down on the bed he'd been occupying earlier._

_"We can sleep on my bed if you don't like that one," he suggested as he layed down beside me._

_I stretched out my legs next to his and put my head in the crook of his neck, deeply inhaling the scent I was addicted to._

_"You smell nice." I blushed although I was certain he couldn't see me._

_"Yeah, you've told me. Thanks, I guess." I could hear him smile._

_His pale skin was illuminated by the strong light coming from the big light. I wanted to touch more of it so I brushed my nose over a small patch of skin between his neck and shoulder, draging my slightly parted lips over his collarbone. I closed my eyes and stopped moving._

_A feeling of complete bliss took over me and I never wanted to leave that position. I licked my lips and gently pressed a kiss to the juncture of his neck. He didn't say anything, almost as if nothing had happened._

_But then he pushed me lightly off of himself and rolled me onto my back. He then put one knee at each side of my thighs and leaned over me on his arms._

_"We should get ready for bed. My parents will hear if we continue talking," he grinned._

_I noded, not really concentrated on what he was saying, but more on the fact that he was bloody hovering over me._

_"C'mon," he grabed my hand and pulled so that I was sitting._

_I smiled awkwardly at our position, but he didn't seem to mind. He ground his hips into mine then, chuckling, before hopping off and into the bathroom._

_When he finally got out, I took my turn and went in. My boxers were a bit wet from earlier. Fuck knows what would have happened if he knew I was leaking while we were lying like that. I took my clothes off and entered the shower. After about three minutes I was back in the room. I've literally never had a shower faster than that._

_Matt was in his bed, his face illuminated by the light of his phone._

_"Matt, I can't see where I'm walking."_

_He sat up and turned the phone towards me. I grinned happily and walked over to my bed._

_He locked the phone and turned towards me, shuffling under my blanket and leaving his own behind. His hair brushed over my face as he settled to lie on my shoulder. I'd never had someone lying on my shoulder before._

_I put my hand around him and brought him closer. His bony shoulder poked me in the ribs, but I didn't say anything. Realising my discomfort anyway though, Matt shuffled a bit more to find a place comfortable for the both of us._

_"Fuck. This looks so easy on TV," he chuckeled._

_I laughed while he finally settled down. His left arm was drapped over my chest, his long fingers playing with the sleeve of my shirt. After a few minutes I felt comfortable enough to flatten my palm along his shoulder and squeeze it gently. He sighed and relaxed his body. The movements of his hand stopped and he placed his palm along the side of my body instead. I smiled at the way he was holding me, as if he didn't want me to leave. I placed a gentle kiss to the top of his head, nuzzling his hair and mumbling good night although I knew he was already asleep._

_There was no way I could sleep. I had to take in this scene. Every now and then I let my fingers slide over to the back of his neck and back to his shoulder. God, he was cute._

_The door opened and his mother peered into the room. I pretended I was asleep, what else should have I done. Fuck, she saw us sleeping like this. When she finally left, I started breathing again. Matt would have killed me, he doesn't particularly like people seeing us while we do stuff like this._

_Once again, I tried to relax and focus on the warm body I was currently holding. I smiled happily, letting my head fall on top of his as I drifted into sleep._

 

That was only the first night. You can imagine what a whole week looked like. I can't seem to stop myself from thinking back to that week. That was in bloody April, for fuck's sake.

I never kissed him. I was too scared.

That was the week I tried my first cigarette. I also tried alcohol for the first time, well, wine at least.

The second day I'd told him his mother had enetred the room while I'd still been awake and how awkward I'd felt. I'd told him only for a laugh, but he'd seemed a bit scared, although he smiled at it. I shouldn't have told him. He never let me sleep with him again after that.

I'm a fucking failure.

It's been over 4 months and I still dream about that week. I dreamed of us kissing, touching, fucking. God. I live to dream again. I live for just a second more of that sweet illusion.

I don't want to live in reality anymore. It's boring. I'm not happy here. Not without him.


End file.
